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& i could write a song, 100 miles long. [09 Jan 2006|02:40pm] [ mood | productive ] [ music | colplay - swallowed in the sea ] I've been abusing this journal too much lately. And I've been wanting to make a new one for a while since I've had this one almost two years, so I did. I felt like it was time for a fresh start. x_____infinite It's going to be friends only now. Just because I like to know who's reading it & feel like I'm the only person in the world with a public journal. So if you want to continue reading my journal just comment on my new one & tell me if you would like to be added. =)   Goodbye shootinstar_x  =(. It was fun. x hearts collide.

when every step that you take could be your biggest mistake. [18 Dec 2005|02:48pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | coldplay - what if? ] Well I worked a nine hour shift yesterday & it was surprisingly shite for a Saturday. I just wasn't in the mood really & the place was morbidly busy. Don't work in a shopping centre at Christmas time. Just don't. And a few of us got letters the other day saying that our "seasonal employment" will be up on January 2nd. Which was news to my fucking ears. They didn't make it clear that I was a "sesonal employee" so I was misled. I don't really care to be honest cause there's so much more I want to do this year. I was thinking I wanted to do volunteer up at the new childrens hospice & lots of other stuff. But it's just the sneakyness I'm pissed off about. And I'll miss ao many of them. Like Paula:P (partner in crime in there) & Colin (psychologist) & Mary (steamin no matter what she says) & Danielle & Brian & Annette & Nicola & Claire & Nicole & Luipa & Laura. Just like 90% of them. =) But we're going to go out for a drink anyway. So after my wee long working day it was then Emma & Lisas party. Which was more like getting ready to go out but anyway lol. It was nice seeing like everyone=). And Jennifer sang for us! "Somewhere over the rainbow". And it was beautiful. We were all just sitting in the dark listening to her. And Lisa started crying lol. It was lovely. The plan was for everyone to go the Dilly. The only reason I done it was cause like EVEYONE was going which made it okay. It was funny in there. Me & Kev actually takin the utter pee out of it lol. Me, Laura & Diana doing rounds. It's seriously just a school disco since it's the whole of vola in there. A school disco with a bar & a few jakeys thrown in for good measure. It was a wee one-off though. Then me & Jennifer left like 2ish cause I wasn't for waiting 40 minutes on a taxi & the novelty hads just like worn off. We managed to flag one down which was fucking lucky. Then I just went straight to my bed since I had almost been up like 24 hours. In other news, I got a letter from Aberdeen Uni the other day. They've offered me an interview.. on the 10TH of fucking January! When Dundee is the 12th! How the fuck am I going to get to Aberdeen for 10:15 in the morning? And I've never been before! So me & my Mum might just have to stay up there or something. It will be good practice for Dunddee & anyone else who might offer me anything. They want me to prepare a 4 minute presentation on a "situation in which I learned effectively". What the fuck?? I am so screwed. SOMEONE GIVE ME AN IDEA ABOUT A SITUATION. I don't even know if it has to be in a classroom environment or anything! I'm going to ask the teachers on Tuesday when I'm in at the primary school. Cause it will be the last week before they break up for Christmas. But yes. Shitting myself since I don't know what to do. Oh aye. And Hogmany looks like it's off even though the tickets came in the other day. Cause now Loz has to work & I don't think she'll phone in sick or anything. So what a waste of time & money. =( I was so looking forward to it. </3 Most likely end up being able to do fuck all now. AHHHHHH.! How the fuck is it Christmas a week today? Someone please tell me that. I just panic bought my mum Colplay & Peter kay from play.com. And have got my Dad nothing yet. And I wish I would stop wasting my wages on UTTER SHITE. It's like a disease. I just got paid on Friday & I'm like skint already. GOD. I think I'm going to go to Mark's later which should cheer me up. He passed his driving test on Friday the jammy fucking cunt. Which is actually quite good for me cause when he gets a car I can steal it & learn for myself even though he won't let me but do I give a fuck? no=). I'm hungry. Yesterday I had ready brek, a baguette & 1 wee slice of pizza. I was up for 20 hours. It looks like its 9 o'clock at night outside & it's depressing. 1 hearts collide.

they're not the first ones to fake romance. [12 Dec 2005|08:30pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | this day & age - history is falling for science. ] I got a letter from Dundee Uni asking me to come for an interview on January 12th. WOOOOOOO. But. I have to write a short personal essay, do a maths test, do a group discussion thing & then be interviewed by the panel. So I'm probably going to want to shoot myself in the head. I've never been to Dundee in my life & I can't do maths. So yeah. JANUARY though. I mean that's like.. next month. Its wellllll soon if you ask me. But I'll go even though it's going to be so fucking scary. It's good practice for if Strathclyde decide they may want me & if not then I guess I might be going there anyway. I CAN'T BE ARSED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE EVEN THOUGH I COULD. God it's Christmas in two weeks. What the fuck. 2 hearts collide.

oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place. [07 Dec 2005|09:21pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | the spill canvas - staplegunned. ] Right. Hello. I have like no time whatsoever to update this properly anymore. It's a pure pain. And I've got THE COLD right now. It crept up me like two days ago & when I woke up this morning I was just crippled with it. I sound like a 90 year old with a nasal problem. And probably look like one too. I think I've got it so bad cause I worked myself into a state of exhaustion last week. I had to phone in sick one day. I mean I know it's Christmas etc but they may as well just take a vaccuum & shove it up your arse & suck any ounce of life out of you that you just may possibly have left. And then just thump your head off the wall a few times just for good measure. Oh aye. OH AYE. Here's a good one: I got a caution the other day for "losing" my till receipts. But this is the question I would like to ask them: how can I look after my till receipts when I'm 800 metres across the other side of the shop & can't stop some clumsy cunt knocking them into the bin or something? HOW? So yeah, that one amused me. And also apparently I clocked back from my lunch 4 minutes late one day? Yes. That's four minutes. They are uptight cunts at times. Seriously. It's just quite poop just now. Cause I'm having to do so many hours & am feeling a bit shit & sick of it. BUT MONEY FOR CHRISTMAS TIME is what I keep telling myself. What else can my wee fucked head remember? Oh yeah. Kelly's party on Saturday. That was quite a lol. There were like 30 odd people there. Kev was steaming, Emma was steaming(!). Her house was quite obviously going to be a wreck. Not sure how it ended up cause I had to go quite early due to work. Was nice to see everyone though. The school yesterday was pure good! The P3's were doing the gay gordon's and it was hilarious. And also I was taking the P4's for reading & every time this one wee boy cam across the name Sophie he would say "Joseph" instead. I was like what?=/. That is seriously not right. I was meant to be off tomorrow. But then Jonathan decides out of the blue he has an appointment at Gartnavel so Tricia asked me to come in instead. I have a driving lesson till two so naw. But she said aww no it's okay you can just come in after it. Kay hen. I can't be arsed at all but I do get Friday off instead so I SUPPOSE it wll do. I'm going to go Christmas shopping on Friday & probably get mauled in the process too. Cool. I want to go to TGI's on Friday also. But the chances are looking slim. =( My hours for next week are again a kick up the arse. The sooner Christmas gets past the better. (Over Christmas at 17!) hearts collide.

space travel's in my blood & there aint nothing i can do about it. [26 Nov 2005|03:00pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | blink 182 - another girl another planet. ] So I phoned in sick to work this morning. For the simple reason that I never got in till 10 last night after an 8 & a half hour shift. I never had time to eat or anything & basically went straight to bed. I couldn't sleep cause my head was just like BLAH & the "i'm not going to switch off for you" routine. So when it hit half four I was there's no fucking way I'm going to work I'm going to have to phone in sick. I was meant to get up at seven this morning to go back in again for a nine hour shift. Like KAY. If I had went in today that would have been 43 hours I had done this week. Which is obviously a piss take. I mean I know it's coming up to Christmas etc but still. I'm not superhuman. So I spoke to Tricia.. I don't know how okay with it she was. I couldn't tell. But I know phoning in sick is quite a big thing in there. Pure signs up everywhere "WHEN YOU PHONE IN SICK YOU LET THE TEAM DOWN. Meant to scare the shit out of you & that. So I managed to get a well deserved sleep. I would have actually collapsed if I had went in today. So we'll see if I need to do one of these silly "back to work" interviews on Monday or something.  I got paid yesterday & pure blew half my wages already on shit for Colin's party. None of my friends will accompany me. Pure "my mum won't let me out two nights in a row". Lol like kay hen. I athought you were old enough to make that decision yourself. But fuck it, you learn to expect it. So I'll just sit with the Dunnes crew & be like hi. I'm not sure how many will go though. They wanted me to give them a taxi number today. OH WELL. Paula better go & I can't even phone her to check. I'll just pop down for a bit anyway. Except I phoned in sick today so it will look really really bad if I go=/. All I need to say is I needed to catch up on my sleep big time, which I did. If no-one I really know turns up then I'll just taxi my arse out of there. =) Whaaaat else? Oh yeaah. I finally sent away my UCAS form. NINETEEN TON WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS. Franny finally emailed me my reference & I just pasted it on & fired the whole thing away. So aye, everything crossed. Oh yeah. And me, Loz & Kev went to Glasgow/TGI's last Sunday & it was well good.=) I got the warmest scarf in the world which I now LIVE IN. Pure cocktails at 3 in the afternoon lol. I just got a TGI's voucher emailed to me - have the 3 course Christmas menu for 14.99 till like the 6th of December. SOMEONE COME & ENJOY THIS OFFER. I had forgotten the joys of sitting about in my pyjamas till this time. 2 hearts collide.

she said "some races can't be won". [18 Nov 2005|08:58pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | this day & age - slideshow. ] HELLO. hello. I am still alive. I miss my journal but my time is being stolen & I don't like it. I have just been working lots & lots. I don't actually get time to step back & take it all in. I was off last Sunday though & me & Loz went to Glasgow & spoilt ourselves rotten. And I spent EVERY LAST PENNY of my wages. Gutted. Work has been quite funny. This girl I work with Paula is quite a laugh. And there's a woman in our department who doesn't seem to like us. At all. For no reason. And whinges at us all day. So we call her a Cornish bitch all day. Which is also funny. Because she's from Cornwall & a bitch. A customer gave me abuse today because she was quite clearly a thick bitch. I was in a rush to get on the till. Because I had been called three times & it was pure busy. She stops me while I am hurrying. "Excuse me, do you have anymore of these boots in a different size?" (Childrens department, I wouldn't know). I respond with "No, sorry that's not my department" *points* "That lady there will be able to tell you since it's her department". And I carried on. But the silly bitch decided to stand in the queue for five minutes & then ask. She didn't need to wait in a queue to ask a bloody question. She could have just simply walked up & asked. So Mary told her all the sizes were out when she asked. And she turns her head to me like a dog foaming at the mouth & says "YOU COULD HAVE TELT ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SAVING ME STAUNIN HERE TWENTY (gross exageration) MINUTES". Okay then, you socially deprived twat. Even though I wouldn't have had a clue & you took it upon yourself to stand in the queue to ask instead of just ASKING. I would love to piss on a lot of customers faces. Except the old people with the good banter. I lost my fucking keys also. I just shared a locker with Paula today & assumed I'd left them at home. But no, they must have fell off my trousers on the train. My locker key which I NEED. And also my fob key. Which you basically need to get around the whole building as it activates the doors to open. I am screeewed. They'll need to give me another set. I met Laura & Diana on the train home from work last night. They said I looked like a "pure woman". Don't quite know what to make of that. ANYWAY. I really don't have anything much exciting to say except that my arse is an icicle nowadays. When the fuck did it start getting so cold? I'm working 11-7 tomorrow then hopefully getting drunk for the first time in AGES. Then going out with Loz again on Sonntag. And next week I am actually working RIDICULOUS hours. FORTY THREE. 9-6 like every day except Tuesday & then till 9PM next Friday. WHAT THE FUCK? It's cause it's Christmas etc. I guess I just need to think of all the lovely cash though. THE SAME CHRISTMAS CD IS ON REPEAT EVERY SINGLE DAY NON-STOP & IT'S STARTING TO GIVE ME MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS.  NO JOKE. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. IT'S ONLY NOVEMBER 18TH. I CANNOT LISTEN TO CLIFF RICHARD - MISTLETOE & WINE OR SAVIOUR'S DAY ONE MORE TIME. I WILL HURT SOMEONE. ROCKING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE ACTUALLY PLAYS IN MY HEAD WHILE I SLEEP TOO. IT'S DISGUSTING. 1 hearts collide.

sweet sedation, sweep the issues. [10 Nov 2005|07:15pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | the all american rejects - 11:11pm. ] What to saaaay. Well I went to the primary school for the whole day on Tuesday. It was okay. I was in like six different classes through the day just helping the teachers. There is actually a GUY teacher there now who is only like 25. I think that's pretty cool. You never get guy teachers in primary schools & especially that young. He's cool. So I just basically read with a few reading groups & took this one girl on her own in primary 2 who is on her own because she's slow. It could break your heart. She's a wee lamb who obviously has a shit upbringing. Then we done "problem solving" with primary 5. It was a maths problem about a skipping rope. And guess what? I GOT THE WRONG FUCKING ANSWER. Bearing in mind, this is a problem designed for a 9 year old. It was fucking hard for a 9 year old though. I never fail to amaze myself with my shitness at maths. But that really took the biscuit. =(  Yesterday I was working 11-6. I didny like it. They need to employ more staff cause I'm basically doing fucking everything for a big department. And cause it's Christmas we get all the shitty tack & decorations in. So the work load is basically doubled. My hands are being ruined by constantly having to rip shitty cardboard boxes apart. Then at the end of the night it's like. "Oh, the department isn't tidy". Yes, that may well be fucking right. But do you know why? BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY FUCKER THAT'S THERE TO TIDY IT. And your shitty towels of 56 varieties have six different methods of folding (no joke). And the managers don't help tidy due to superiority issues. And then in every other department, including lingerie (which has like 5 fucking rails, doesn't take up half the shop) there are like five people to tidy it. Whereas mine = half the shop. No. I'm afraid just no. And the trains were fucked on the way home yesterday AGAIN. So I was in the mood from hell. Then I went down to Marks to get my theory book back since the cunt got 35/35. Lol, he was feeling pure dizzy the other day like he was going to just faint on the spot so he went to the doctors. And he found out he has "vertigo". Which is a disease. It's sooo random. I don't really know that much about it except it fucks your balance & head right up when you're standing. It's a wee shame but he's still a cheeky cunt so not really. I was off today. I had a driving lesson which went quite well. I like her SO much better. I actually feel like I'm getting somewhere with her, you know? Rather than nothing being structured & just fucking about. And she has the patience of a saint. Which you would need with me. She's giving me a free hazard perception disk too. =) I am DETERMINED. I don't care how long it takes me & how much it rapes my bank account. I really don't want to give up. I just went down for a wee hair cut there which was needed I can tell you. But it hasn't been straightened yet & looks like a farse & a half lol. Working 11-6 again tomorrow & 10-7 Saturday. =( =( Then next week I'm working a fucking shitload, 32 hours I think. I'm only off on Tuesday & the school steals that from me. So no time to myself. I get paid tomorrow though so I think I'll go to Glasgow on Sunday. I NEED A JACKET. Of any description. I've just accepted the fact that it's November I think. The Glasgow Hogmany tickets go on sale on Sunday. =) =) Me, Macindoe & Radams are 100% going. And I'm pretttty sure Loz will. And everyone else is just shite. "Aww naw I'm sitting in someones house & drinking for 12 hours straight". Like you can't do that any night of the week know what I mean? Live a little. It was amazing last year. And it's Athlete playing this time. =) OH. And Mr Francis phoned my house yesterday but I was working. He told my Mum he's "halfway through my reference & he'll post it out when it's done". HMM. It's reassurance but I'll believe it when I see it. I'm finished now. But I wish money was free, you didn't have to pay tax (I know everyone thinks this but it will be a long time before I get used to tax) & that you didn't get taken advantage of constantly for only being seventeen. Cause they can get away with paying you soo much less for the same fucking job. Five months to go though. NOW I'm finished. =) 7 hearts collide.

write my name somewhere safe. [06 Nov 2005|03:13pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | jimmy eat world - closer. ] Well I worked a nine-hour shift yesterday. I was quite numb. Got it in the head when I first went in because the department had still had all the stock left out from the night before. Even though I wasn't the last to leave so it wasn't my problem. BUT OKAY, whatever. It was your usual murderous Saturday. Pure busy. Don't think I stopped all day. And wait for this.. SOMEONE SHAT ON THE FLOOR! Yes. You read correctly. Someone just walked into the shop, shat on the floor.. then left. Leaving us behind with a nice little present. I mean seriously, what the fuck!? Cat got made to clean it up. It was all quite hilarious yet totally sick at the same time. I mean last week we only had someone piss in it twice. I wonder if there's a sign outside that makes people mistaekt it for a toilet? Anyway. I went to Subway on my lunch with Lauren. She's dead niceee. I had a foot long & was almost sick. Seven o'clock dragged up like a bastard & I could hardly walk. So I came in at 8. And was all the way back down to the station for 8:45 which I'm not really sure how I managed. Met Loz & Emma & had a good wee banter=). And a few random guys like.. hiya I don't know you, but hey. We had a wander then I was like cold & stuff. I phoned Macindoe & got her to meet me in the Tullie with her new boyfriend(?) Fraser. And Steven came down too. It was cabaret night which was a serious out-of-key JOKE. Seriously. I thought it was a piss take? But apparently it wasn't. Had a few drinks & stuff & a good wee catch-up. Fraser seemed really nice I thought. Then me & Steven drove up & he almost killed us a few times I thought.=( It wasn't too nice. I'm quite annoyed today. I could have had another driving lesson which I pure need. But I thought nah, it's my day off & someone will surely be able to do something. But no no no. Everyone's either working or some other shit as usual. It well pisses me off. I'm going to be bored the fuck out my face for yet another Sunday. I NEED A FLEXIBLE FRIEND! I'm doing a whole day at the primary school on Tuesday which I think should be quite fuuun. Working tomorrow though. BLAH. Edit; "You're gonna be fine, you're gonna spend a long time thinking that you won't be, and then one morning you'll wake up and you will be, and then, you know, for a while you'll miss the fact that you're not because it almost seems scarier when you are because at least when you're not, you've got something to cling to and then when you get over that, then you're gonna be fine." 7 hearts collide.

there's nothing you & i won't do. [03 Nov 2005|02:55pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | the cure - i'll stop the world & melt with you. ] Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. but trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. you’re not as fat as you imagine. don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle tuesday. do one thing everyday that scares you. sing. don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. floss. don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. stretch. don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people i know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds i know still don’t. get plenty of calcium. be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. live in new york city once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in northern california once, but leave before it makes you soft. travel. accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. respect your elders. don’t expect anyone else to support you. maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. ♥ Everything just keeps going on. Nothing holds on or stays still for two seconds. Nothing stays the same & nothing matters in the end. "You're not concerned about your looks, which are very cute, or your smile, which is HUGE (in a good way), and you are the truest individuals that I know. Your charm and wit are enviable. Your flaws, though few, are big. But I put up with them because I know you can be better than that. I mean this next part. You are my best friend. Nevermind boyfriend, you are my absolute BEST friend. You don't hang up if I cry. You don't get frustrated with me. You are more dependable & truer than anyone I have ever met. And I am so lucky. Thanks, buddy." ♥♥ 12 hearts collide.

we've got crosses on our eyes, been walking into the walls again. [01 Nov 2005|07:24pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | bloc party - like eating glass. ] Well yesterday was diabolical. I didn't need to get up till half nine yet when I woke up I felt like it wasn't a minute past six-thirty. Cool. No idea why I felt like that. I went into work feeling like a total zombie. I was on the tills for the first hour & I thought I was going to faint. And then I thought how funny it would look to all the customers. But it didn't feel funny to me. My head was too foggy to do my work properly. I'd start doing something then forget what I was about to do. I badly bruised my arm & then gave it a nasty scratch putting stock out. And then I banged my head a cracker on the cage. By the time my break came I was on the verge of fucking killing someone. Sit down to relax to find a text from Emma "Can Franny change your appointment to next week instead?" No. He cannot. I fucking requested it off work & probably won't be able to get another request. That pissed me off cause I had only been waiting four weeks. So I texted my mother & she phoned the school & apparently it was all still on?=/. I hate that excuse for a school. I truly do. But I won't go into that cause as soon as I get this reference I'll be as far away from associated with as fucking possible. Then after my break this old couple asked me how much the bar stools were. Is there a price? No. Is there a bar code? No. Are they big? Yes. Are they heavy? Very. So I drag the fucker with my fucked arm all the way over to the tills only for Carrie to be narked cause she's busy. I would love to know what I was supposed to tell the old couple then. I thought my tether had been just about reached. But there is always new levels. Believe me. Cue the CHRISTMAS SONGS beginning to pump through the speakers. The same CD all day. On a complete loop. And everyone has told me it was on last year too. For three months straight. All I kept saying was "But it's halloween". I'm offically going to hate all Christmas songs for the rest of my life. When you work in a shop you realise how commercialised & contrived the whole thing really is. And when I made it to the end of the day. The train is delayed AGAIN. This time for twenty-five minutes. Make more sense to cancel it I would think? Since they are every half fucking hour. So I waited there for forty minutes. It eventually comes - jampacked. I k.o on the seat. Then the voice comes through "Scotrail would like to advise passengers that this train will be terminating at Dumbarton - Sorry for the inconvenience". Well do you know what? Sarah would like to advise Scotrail that she wants to rip your fucking head off & that it's service is beyond a fucking joke. Thanks. So that was the second time  in a row that we had been told to fuck off at Dumbarton. Why, you might ask? The reason is a fucking mystery. If they could at least justify it then you might understand. Aaanyway. I couldn't be arsed trying to get home since my mental energy was now zero & my fuse was shorter than Scotrails reliability span. So I called on Steven & he very kindly came & got me cause he's a staaar*.<3 So that was that for a fucker of a day. Today. I had to be down at the "school" for 9:15 which is a bit earlier than I'm used to. It was nice to see everyone but I do not envy them. I was in with Franny for like an hour while he just took notes about what he's going to write. He said "Well I'd employ you anyway!". That's all very well. But your opinion doesn't count (I wish it did) so there's no point even saying it. So yes. I have to wait even longer now & am going to have to go back down there yet a-fucking-gain. He said he'll phone me when it's done but I've got a feeling I might need to do some chasing up to make sure. He also doesn't seem to grasp the fact that he actually has to GIVE the reference to me rather than putting it in himself so I will need to try to explain that to him & fanny features for the thirtieth time. After I got away from the shit-hole & I went into Dumbarton to pay the rest of the deposit for the holiday. Eighty-quid. Gone. Just like that. It's gutting. I got my phone bill for October emailed to me today. It's supposed to be twenty-five. It wasn't. Wasn't even remotely close actually. ..Sixty fucking quid & fifteen pence. I sent 845 messages. I really need to get my act together. I guess that's where my wages on Friday will be going then. And I can look forward to the nice little argument with my mother too. Work tomorrow, 12-6 again. Then Mark wants to go & see Saw 2. But I fucking hated the first one. It's too gruesome. So I don't know. But I'll probably give in. Even though I have no money to either. And I'd rather not actually pay money to feel ill when I can do that for free by going down to the school & being fucked about. SEE FOLK WHO THINK THEY PURE LYk LuRvEe FALL OUT BOY & ARE GOING TO SEE THEM ALL BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEARD SUGAR WE'RE GOING DOWN & HAVE KNOWN THEM A MONTH GJDFG834P2''!;. Especially in comparison to the rest of the pish they listen to, it should really be fucking illegal. It makes my blood boil. And I do KNOW how petty that sounds but that's how it makes me feel & I don't care. Fuck them. So here we are reinventing the wheel I'm shaking hands with a hurricane It's a colour that I can't describe, It's a language I can't understand Ambition, tearing out the heart of you Carving lines into you Dripping down the sides of you We will not be the last. bp♥. 2 hearts collide.

walk out into velvet, nothing more to say. [30 Oct 2005|03:44pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | goldfrapp - number one. ] On Thursday I had the dentist. No thanks. She gave me a jag. Sorry, two jags. Right in the fucking gum. And despite what people have told me, IT IS SORE. If that isn't sore then I don't know what the fuck is. After that she said "right then, that's the worst part over" & proceeded to do it again! She is callous. Then with one side of my face hanging off I went to Dumbarton with my mother. She was feeling quite generous. =) We went for something to eat in Bar Budda. I hadn't been in there before & it is well swanky. I'm going to go back next Saturday. If you want to come then MON. =) Then we can see the fireworks. On Friday at work when it was my hour on the fitting room my heart shattered into five thousand pieces. Gavin came up holding this old man who must have been about a hundred & five. No joke. And said he wanted to try these trousers on.. which he had already bought? Anyway. I was like yeah okay he is in no state to walk never mind try something on. So after he had been in there for like 30 minutes I was like :/. So I went to check on him. "ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE SIR?". No reply. Scared. So Gavin helped me on trying to get a response & we eventually just pulled the curtain back because we weren't getting any response. The scene: an old man slumped over a seat in a pair of long johns with his head hanging down. Bad enough. BUT HE HAD PISSED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! He had stolen one of my boxes in & tried to pee in that (which is bad enough). But no. It goes everywhere but the fucking box! And apparently he had came in the day before & peed all over the place as well! And Gavin was made to clean it up! My heart was BREAKING though. He just kept whimpering & going "I got caught short". I was almost crying! So I went & told David (a manager) & he was like "fuck off not again". So we had to wait on the guy getting dressed again.. & he took another half an hour. By this point the place is reeking of piss. REEKING. David was pure gagging when he was going in to talk to him. It was quite funny & everyone was laughing & stuff. But I didn't like them laughing at him, it was honestly the saddest sight ever. So EVENTUALLY the old guy makes it out, covered in his own piss-stained clothes. He kept on saying sorry & his voice was so faint & cracking. And I wanted to cry because it must have been so humiliating. He was obviously in no state to be independent but he was. He was trying. And that was the respectable thing. But they had to tell him not to come back. He's banned from the shop. The manager said we had to cause we had to put "employee & customer safety first" & all that crap. But it wasn't his fucking fault. And I wasn't amused by that. You wanted to have seen his wee face.=( I''ll start crying again if I start thinkin about it. Thankfully Neil & David cleaned it up, disinfected it & all that crap. Hilarious watching them gagging like lassies while doing it though. I never want to get to that stage in my life. I will kill myself before then. It upsets me. I decided to go to Glasgow for a wee shop yesterday. It was horrific. It was so fucking busy that you could barely move. As if it was like Christmas eve or something. I mean what the hell was going on? If it's only going to get worse from here I'm staying the fuck away from there till well after Christmas. Not only how busy it was; it was raining so hard that I had water up to MY KNEES. And then of course there's the situation where when you actually have money to spend you see fuck all you want to buy. So you waste it anyway on a bunch of stuff you neither need nor like. Gutted. What has happened to the shops? =(. What I need is a jacket of some description because sad as it is I am still in summer mode =( (denial). Then last night I went down to ♥cunt's. He had a match yesterday & when he was saving a shot some guy didn't stop running & just basically STOOD on his face & chest with metal studs!=/ It's a pure sin. They thought he had broken his nose. He actually looks like he's been through the wars. But it's so funny. =) I'm telling people I done it to him. Pure man-beater. So this coming week I'm in Monday, Wednesday, Friday & Saturday. N-I-N-E hours on Saturday. 10-7. What the fuck?? I am paralysed after eight. So next weekend will be shite cause I can bet I'll be in on Sunday as well. Going into the school for the last time ever on Tuesday to get my reference & it better be half-decent. And I have finally got a new driving instructor lined up for Thursday. The actual Gillian person from the Gillian school. So I guess she should be good. But I've not driven in a month. I will be dire. Plus it will be a new car. But this time I'll stick in & I mean it. I would also just like to say that I'm in desperate need of a haircut but can't be arsed to get round to getting one. Today is my day off. And no-one will do anything!! There's always some excuse. It's gutting. I'm so fucking bored & was up for doing something. Macindoe & Laura = going to a Halloween party. Emma = writing personal statement. Lauren = not well (but she knows she wants to)=P Save me from Sundays. And it's a longer Sunday than usual as well. =/ Fucking great. EDIT; Oh my god. How the fuck could I forgot to add this in? I'M GOING TO SEE FALL OUT BOY ON JANUARY 25TH!=D I have only been waiting two & a half years for this. Waiting fucking patiently. I missed them last year because they were sold out the minute I realised. you're my favourite moment, you're my saturday.♥ 2 hearts collide.

come on hide your lovers underneath the covers. [26 Oct 2005|06:41pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | the arcade fire - rebellion (lies). ] I went into school today to give a lot of my stuff back. It felt good. I am so happy to be away from there & today only confirmed that more. It's still pish. And won't change. Received abuse from the "office" also which was cool. Shut up - you've all got naff haircuts. I was talking to Mr Collins. He is brilliant. So is Mr Keith. They're some of the nice genuine people there that I will miss. But it is a sad rarity. Monday night was fabulous. I was fucked after work & got locked in because they lock up at like 6:03. It was pishing down the whole night. We went to McDonalds for dinner (gutted) & then Asda to buy ribeana for the totov. I got drunker than I've been in ages. We got lost trying to read Macindoe's map. But then we eventually found it. American-Hifi were dead good & I was amazed at myself remembering some of the songs I've not listened to in like 3 years. Emma was pure in her wee element. It was dead cute. Me & Macindoe had binned our drink before we went in. Then decided later on that we wanted it back. So back outside we went in the pishing rain to retrieve it from the wheely bin. Funny looks - who cares? We met Jazza which was nice. =) Hadn't seen the boy in ages. We had to leave like 30 minutes before the end though because of the last fucking train. So we raaaaan up a motorway in the pishing rain whilst laughing hysterically. I ran & laughed so much that I was almost sick. =/ But it was amazing. The banter on the train home was good. I can't remember much of what it was but I remember it being good. I want to share all this & I don't know why but I just feel like it. Three things yesterday made my day. Firstly, while I was sitting at the station there was this really small & frail old woman with her dog. It was raining really heavily & the poor wee dog was absoloutly sodden. It was a small black scrawny thing & must have been about thirteen And it had the SADDEST EYES you have ever seen. No joke. And it looked so pathetic just lying there. So weary & wet. And it just stared at me the whole time. And I just stared at back. Just looking into its sad wee eyes. It's like its eyes could tell a story. It was just so sad. I could have cried staring at this, wet, pathetic, old & sad dog. You could tell that this old woman lived for her dog & that it went everywhere with her. She was so kind & sad & chatting away to me about the weather. And I couldn't help thinking: the only thing they have in the world is each other. They both just live for each other & love each other. And when one dies then the other will be totally lost. I hate knowing that one of them is going to die & leave the other one, probably soon. It's so sad. I want them always to have each other. But this old woman & her dog just made me so happy anyway. They were so content together. Then when I was on the train I saw the most beautiful baby I have seen in my life. No kidding. She had lots of bright red hair & rosy cheeks with the bluest eyes. And she just smiled the whole journey. Really smiled. She was just staring out of the window in awe at the world passing her by then every so often reaching out to her Granny for a hug & giggling every few minutes. She was the happiest baby I've ever seen. I hope she stays a baby forever. I really do. I don't want her to get older & know things. Just to know laughter, her Grannies hugs & how amazing the world can seem. That is enough. Then when I was in my bed last night I wasn't that tired & couldn't sleep. So I pulled my blind back to see if it was still raining & the sky was FULL of stars. Absoloutly everywhere. I didn't expect it at all. It was gorgeous. I literally couldn't take my eyes off the sky. So I just kept my blind pulled back & just lay there staring at them for like an hour, totally content. I loved it. But then all the fog moved over the sky & completely covered them all up. And I was like =(. The sky wasn't the same without the stars & it didn't feel so amazing to look at anymore so I stopped. Then about 15 minutes later the clouds sort of broke up & you could see the stars all over again & they were just as beautiful. And it made me think that even when you can't see the stars - they're still always there. I'm not sure why that made ma happy. But it did. One day I want to just lie & stare up at the stars with someone. Do nothing else but lie with them & stare at the sky & not think. Tomorrow I have the dentist at HALF 9. I don't know what's going to happen to me. =( She said she wants to "investigate my tooth". What the fuck does that mean? I'm scared. I hate the dentist. I will probably stop going when I'm an adult to be honest. I know they say "prevention is better than cure". But I find calmness better than stess so there you go. 9 hearts collide.

you're an explosion (you're dynamite). [23 Oct 2005|09:36pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | arctic monkeys - bet that you look good on the dance floor ] Tee gee aye's on Thursday was mighty good. I spent too much, ate too much & drank too much. But I don't give a shit so it's fine. The banter was rare & Steven decided to join us. They decided that we "hadn't booked a table" when we had & so squeezed six of us into a four-seater. We stole balloons & sucked helium. And the waitress we had was cooool. Even though she couldn't go home & finish her shift until we left. =/ The taxi home was also a lol. "I think we should get customer loyalty discount". Haha. I took pictures cause my wee camera has been neglected lately. ( dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984. ) I worked eiiiiiight hours yesterday. I didn't quite make it. The banter is good on a Saturday though. I got till trained. So that's me on the tills now but I would sooo prefer just not using the tills at all & staying on the floor. It's that complicated compared to the co-op or the cafe. Fuck sake I'm a pure till expert now! I clocked out at FIVE-FIFTY NINE & got asked why I was clocking out so early? MY GOD. And no, I didn't make the train in 3 minutes. =( I was raging lol. I laugh now but at the time I was angry wreck. I got an invite to an 18th from Colin, who I don't much know yet but he seems like a decent guy. In wait for it.. Dempseys!=/ Even though he stays in Clydebank. God the place must be a legend everywhere. So I missed the train by exactly 180 seconds after power-walking a beast. I wasn't amused. I couldn't be bothered going out but I went down to mark's for a wee while anyway. His mum's banter is a bloody lol & a half. I love it. Tomorrow is the Bowling for Soup gig. But I'm working till six. Which is quite frankly pish. So the plan of action would be; take a change to work with me along with a bottle of vodka, get changed in the 0.5 seconds before they lock up, shove my uniform in my locker for the next day, get the 3 of them up to meet me in Clydebank first, shove some food down my throat & then make our way up there. Hopefully it will all run smoothly. And I'm also quite frightened because there's a sign on the locker room door saying "random locker checks taking place this week for health & safety reasons" (fuck knows). And if they just happen to check mine tomorrow with a litre bottle of vodka in it. Well I'm quite frankly sacked aren't I? But I'll take the risk cause that's what I do. IDON'TNEEDTOGOBACKTOSCHOOLTOMORROW HAHAHA. God that feels fucking good. 15 hearts collide.

so kiss me like you did, my heart stopped beating. such a softer sin. [20 Oct 2005|02:05pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | the used - i caught fire (in your eyes). ] I'm off today & I'm happy. On the way to work yesterday I was just sitting in the station texting Loz quite the thing. Then the train came so I went outside & she was fucking out there!! But none of us had even realised that each other were at the station. Pair of fannies. So I had company for my train journey. =) Then at work a woman came up to me with a pure massive horrible black rug/shawl type thing & asked me to "demonstrate how it was worn". I thought she was kidding on, so I laughed. But she wasn't. I didn't actually know how it was supposed to be worn so I just sort of threw it over myself & stood there like a bloody clothes horse. The day kind of flew in which was good & then I thought I WANT TO SEE THE WALLACE & GROMIT MOVIE RIGHT NOW. So I texted Mark & he got his wee arse up there. But I almost got locked in work trying to get changed first. =/ I was starving. We went to KFC. I FUCKING HATE KFC. Every single time I go I'm disappointed. I got the "popcorn chicken meal". Their "meals" are my equivalents to a side order I'm afraid. And their chips are rotten. And KFC is just pish. Sorry to all the big fans. But it is. Then my popcorn chicken got kindly called "tumour balls" & I didn't want it anymore. But the film was gooooood. Even if it was on for like an hour. But it gets you all nostalgic & stuff. =) Wallace is a funny man.♥ I wish he was real.  We're going to TGI's tonight.♥ Even though I have to borrow money off my Mum cause I don't get paid till tomorrow. But it's all okay. We're not going till 7 so I get to have a LAAAZY DAY. Which I fucking deserve. Then I'm working tomorrow & Saturday. Boooo. But off on Sunday which I'm pleased about. But aye there's always something.. I've been put down to work till SIX on Monday. But it's BOWLING FOR SOUP ON MONDAY. Whatamigonnadooo!? Fuck. Oh & I got my DisclosureScotland through. So it's official now; I'm not a paedophile or a rapist. What a revelation eh? And I have it on paper & you all don't. So ha. And now I can go into the primary school when I get round to organising a day, which will be hard. And I'm going to see the All American Rejects agaaaaain.♥ Yus. That was actually one of my favourite gigs. Oh & I'm off on Wednesday so I plan on going into the school that day to give all my shit back & try to track down that Kennedy witch. I will feel like a wee proper adult with my visitor sticker. The day my uni application is sent away is the day I will be over the fucking moon. Because NO MORE dealings with the shit hole.♥ And also I will have my peace of mind back. I heart my new layout. I also hate when I can't get my thoughts into a logical order & I just ramble. Ultimatecocktailplz. 7 hearts collide.

My brain's not damaged but in need of some repair. [16 Oct 2005|05:15pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Kaiser Chiefs - Modern Way ] I am still alive. Just. This is what I have just worked over the space of five days: Wednesday 11-6, Thursday 10-6, Friday 12-6, Saturday 2-7 & today 9-3. I am going to be very rich but I have actually had no time to just stop & breathe. I'm pure running on empty. Anyway it's all okay. My department is homeware & I've got to know everyone dead quickly but it's better at the weekend cause there's more people my age on. Raymond. How can I describe him? I can't. When I say he makes Dale Winton look straight that's an understatement. I actually thought he was an actor at first. Then there's Gavin (cheeky cunt but good banter all the same) who came in drunk & stinking this morning, Lupia (lovely), Annette (lovely), Colin & Brian. Carrie-Leigh who's only in through the week annoys me a bit but that about it. She's English & like 25 & quite stuffy. So I basically just get all the stock out & make sure its perfect & set it all out, work on nightwear/lingerie a bit as well & do the fitting rooms. And the till training will come soon. And I walk the equivalent of 3 miles every single shift & have no time to eat or even sleep really. And I get paid every Friday. =) But MY GOD the shirt you have to wear is horrific. Hideous. I cry every time I put it on. This week I'm only off Tuesday & Thursday so I think we're going to TGI's on Thursday. =) I don't think it's hit me that I don't have to go back to school yet. I keep on thinking I'm kidding myself on. It will actually feel amazing. Going to take my locker key etc in on one of my days off next week & hopefully then it will hit me. I had to cancel my driving lesson since all her times are now going to clash with my job. I NEED A GOOD DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. Someone must know of one. =( I don't have much else to say since all I've been doing is working. =/ Tomorrow I'm doing a 12-6. Then who knows. I'm quite a machine. 8 hearts collide.

It's hard to say it, time to say it. Goodbye, goodbye. [11 Oct 2005|05:47pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | Nickelback - Photograph ] Well THAT'S IT.♥♥ I am away from the shit hole. I am free. I am contented. 9 tonne weight off my shoulders, seriously. So today was my last day. It was okay. Macindoe brought in balloons & sweeties. It was cute. And we had a wee CD. I got the leavers form all done except Moran obviously cause I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I'll pure miss Mr Keith though, I've not even known him that long but he's an absolute star. So so nice. I spoke to Franny last period & I've to come in on November 1st till he does my reference. That's ages away I think. I also got Mrs Kennedy to mark the redraft of my personal statement & she gave it to Emma to give to me saying - "I've said things in 3 sentences that I could have in one" & also "I didn't change anything she told me to". Okay then fuckface. I fucking basically redone it to exactly how she said so she's obviously illiterate or something. I see what people mean about her being over-critical. I will just need to do it as I bloody please now. I'm not even as sad as I thought I'd be. I mean I'm a bit sad thinking oh "I'll never do this again" or "I'll never be here again". But in myself I was 100% ready to move on. It's just time to move on. I've completely outgrown school & I already think I had by fifth year. I only stuck that out cause I had to. I'm a free spirit. I can't stick out routine like that & I was just completely fucking b-o-r-e-d. I don't think I'll be missed that much anyway cause all I do is distract people. Plus there's so much negative energy going on between everyone this year. It's just ..different & it's really not nice. I'd rather leave school with the good memories I have than let it drag out for another year & grow to despise it! I had to do it for myself. I think it's really important to stay true to yourself & just follow your heart. That sounds so cheesey but I'm so fucking sincere in saying that. I always try to follow it. So new job tomorrow. No idea at all what to expect at all but I'm going in with an open mind. 9 hearts collide.

I think we've got what it takes to get this heart to start beating again. [07 Oct 2005|06:33pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Mae - The Everglow ] Well I got the job in Dunnes. I'm dead pleased. I've to go in on Wednesday for 11. I will have to tell the Cafe tomorrow that I'll be leaving & to be quite honest I'm shitting myself. I can just tell they will be pure snidey as hell. But fuck it, it has to be done. So Tuesday will be my last day at school. Ever. Just for anyone who's interested. Like three hours after Dunnes phoned.. Boots phoned. What perfect timing. How about phoning me a month ago when I first applied?? They asked me to come for an interview next week & I said yes just to annoy them. Then I can phone up & cancel to say I've already got something else. They pure put doubts in my head though. DUNNES OR BOOTS? I think I'm pretty much 90% Dunnes because.. A. It's better money, B. It's better hours & C. It's not in the vale. I think Dunnes. My brain cannot process decisions of this extent. I need to go out & buy black shoes. This weekend looks like it might be fairly pish. Work tomorrow in which I'll be hated. Cool. Yet another holiday fiasco today. Put it this way; I don't care anymore. A few of us are going out a walk tonight for old times sakes. I think I need the air to clear my head anyway. And also alcohol to numb it. 8 hearts collide.

With all your cheap words about hearts & accidents. [05 Oct 2005|08:59pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Fall Out Boy - Austin we have a problem ] My wee interview yesterday went okay I thiiink. The place is really nice & everyone seemed really friendly. The woman was irish so I obviously liked her straight away since I have a thing for irish people because their accent makes my heart melt. She pure asked me "So do you know about the history of Dunnes?". I mean seriously, come on. It's a bloody shop. I though she was kidding on but she wasn't. So I took a shot at it originating in Ireland. And I was right. =) She's wanting a minimum of 20 hours a week. So if I get it then it looks like my arse will be worked to the bone. But hopefully my wallet will be bursting. She'll phone me on Friday to let me know if I've got it. But I'm not building my hopes up. Cause I just never will do that. If I get it I'll need to leave the cafe though. Which to be blunt they will fucking hate me for. But to be quite honest I don't care cause for once I've gotta be selfish. And last night me, Loz & Kev headed down to this "information evening". I have never craved a drink of alcohol so much in my life. The whole way through it I was just gagging for one. It was mundane, repetitive, depressing & a waste of time. But we texted each other in the hall all night like fannies. Which was amuuusing. I went into school today. It was crapper than ever. Except a few wee giggles to do with attacking Laura & also me thinking the tan thing was called "Saint Tropez" (actually pronounced exactly like that). Cue a bloody piss take & a half. I mean I'm not a bloody tan expert. Me & Mr Keith got onto the topic of the Dunblane tragedy somehow & I've been pure thinking about it all day. I was in primary 3 when it happened & I remember it well. But it's only now when I think about it now that it disturbs me more than ever. I want to get it out of my head but I can't & I don't know why. It upsets me so much. So school again tomorrow. The fucking jooooooooooys. I cannot wait to get away from it. One week to go. The triple free period should hopefully have some good banter though. Then I have a driving lesson tomorrow night & I've not had one in THREE WEEKS. So I will have lost all (of very little I had built up) skill. Ohhhh & I put in a request form for TGI's for December 23rd. <3 We better get it. Even though I can just tell it will involve a fuck-off deposit. I'm a mess, I guess. It's what I asked for, it's what I needed. Well, you know me better than that, or at least you did and something happened. But once again something's happened. The confidence you held in us is the rope we almost hung ourselves with. At times I wonder if we really took the steps to break right through it. I know that there were better days, but to see the light and to feel the rays. Life was always back and forth and we were idling or making useless progress. Waiting for the rain to stop. Destination: beautiful. Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun. Someday will come back to us, if you're willing let it go. Why won't you just let this be your sun? It seems like yesterday we had the world our way. But some say we're heading for destruction. I'll ask you "What in the world should we do?" This light is green our break is through. Are we not trying or are we trying too hard? Well, you know I never want to miss, I hold on tight and reminisce. But it's bittersweet to me. When time stands still as it's trapped inside the letterbox you gave back to me. But I'm the one who keeps on reading. But I'm the one who wants to let it go. I'm the first to speak. You're the last to know. Another scene that we're creating, I need to know if we're still making useless progress. 2 hearts collide.

Waiting for the rain to stop. Destination; beautiful. [03 Oct 2005|10:03pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Mae - Sun ] What the fuck is wrong with rich-text mode? =/ I'm a bit slow. Anywaaay. The last two days have been spent job hunting. I went to Clydebank yesterday to get some application forms & I got forms for; Argos, Dunnes & The Card Factory who are all looking. I then went on to Glasgow for a wee shop just because but was pure DISAPPOINTED. There is nothing nice anywhere anymore. Sake. So I then went into Sainsburys with my lottery ticket because I had 3 numbers & quite frankly I was chuffed. I handed over my ticket & the guy is like "Umm.. this isn't a winner". I was like "Yes it is=), just try again". So he did & then he was like "Oh no, you don't have three numbers, 11 was the bonus ball". I was like uh huh, I know. I have that. But no no no. Apparently the bonus ball means NOTHING. It's just there to build you up only to bring you right back down again. Can someone please inform me of the purpose of the bonus ball?? Gutted so I was. I hate the lottery now. Till next Saturday of course. Cause at least now I actually know the rules. Today. I decided that going into school would be pointless & it would be much more benficial to go to Clydebank to hand all my forms back in. And I also despise Mondays because I have double RMPS & I do not need any more reasons than that. So off I traipsed for the train nice & early & handed them all in. I then bought a top on impulse which I'm going to take back because I can. I also got forms from TK Maxx & Woolies who are looking for people too. And erm, jesus christ. There is a Subway in Clydebank. WHY WASN'T I INFORMED OF THIS? So of couse I was right in there & got a daily special. And then who did I meet? But Mr McEwan on his lunch. *EY* I forgot he was at college on a Monday. Stopped my day being tooo lonely. =) The boy who's always on my train was on my train home again today. He was sitting at the same seats as me this time. He has long hair & always sits there drinking a pint of milk while smoking a cigarette & wears a hat. He intrigues me so much. Who actually just sits drinking a pint of milk? And not on a one-off. Always. Basically as soon as I got in the door a woman phoned from Dunnes. I think they're a bit eager. =/ I've to go in for an interview tomorrow at 4. CLYDEBANK FOR THE THIRD DAY FUCKING RUNNING. Sake. Whhhy tomorrow? I'll have to stay off school again now. And I also have that "UCAS meeting" at the school tomorrow night which will probably involve a woman repeating the same information over & over & over & just be irrelevant. But I'll have to go. I started my personal statement earlier on. It's 5000 characters. It's meant to be 4000. And I can't find anything to cut out. I'll take it in to Franny on Wednesday & he can advise me. So send me lucky thoughts at 4 o'clock tomorrow. 20 hearts collide.

Crazy skies are wild above me now. Winter howling at my face. [30 Sep 2005|09:15pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | David Gray - Sail Away ] This whole week has been quite a gigantic pain in the arse really. I've been pure stressed out my face. I decided that I'd better start my UCAS application last night without much clue about what I was doing. Running about trying to find Franny to get a reference & blah & blah. Attempting to write a personal statement which just isn't happening since I don't know what the fuck to write since I'm applying to two totally different courses so if I write certain things in one then it won't make sense to the other course. So fuck knows what to do there. I've also been filling in like sixty application forms & having to repeat myself over & over & over. And aye, fuck off. Today was the holiday fiasco of the century. Note to self; things are never simple. So me, Lauren, Macindoe & Laura just decided we were booking today. Cause let's face it, trying to make any progress whatsoever with this holiday & everyone else was like running face first into a brick wall ten times. So yeah, that was pretty much decided. Our situation is basically that some of are not allowed to go if a certain person goes due to said persons behaviour in general. And certain other people would probably prefer if this certain person came. So aye. It's a situation. It's all just a big complex fuck really. The four of us booked anyhow. Fucking finally. Tenneriffe for two weeks on the 16th of June. =) The price had went up by like sixty quid though. We had to book it in my name because I'll be 18 when we go. I feel responsible. So at the moment it looks like everyone except certain person is going to go cause the rest of them are just going to book on with us next week. But who knows how certain person will react. =/ And also Kev & Diana are transferring to our resort as well but they can't get into the exact same hotel, so one just round the corner. So I am sure we will see how this one unravels. It better all work out cause it will be fucking amazing if it does. =) We had went to book the holiday in Dumbarton like straight from school. I got in at like.. six. And the phone goes. It's Morag sounding on the edge of a rage-induced breakdown. "Any chance you can come in tonight? Paul's just phoned to say he can't make it in". Do I hear a lol?? Okie dokie. Two minutes till I shove the old reeboks on & run all the fucking way back into Dumbarton with 3.5 seconds notice to work for about 2 hours. So yes. That was a no. Emma has got me pure right into David Gray again. =) His songs are just love. I have a sore head & I don't want to go to work tomorrow because time physically freezes & you might not believe me when I say that but it does. 4 hearts collide.

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